Why relationships are so vital in business
by John Counsel                       Why is John’s photo on so many pages?
There are four things we need to understand about relationships if we want to be successful. We ignore them at our peril.

1. Relationships exist only for the exchange of resources.

2. People want to be valued for themselves — not merely for their usefulness to us.

3. Motives should be unconditional, but results are conditional – there are always conditions to be met for any outcome.

4. Our relationships are constantly under threat from counterfeit reality.

The Purpose of Relationships

Relationships exist for one purpose only — to provide each other with resources we need but don’t have. That can be food from a supermarket in exchange for our money, acceptance by others in exchange for our loyalty or any other exchange of resources — even just making us feel good.

The idea of complete independence, or self-sufficiency, is a myth. For a start, it takes TWO people to get us here in the first place! We need relationships in order to survive. So they need to be treasured and protected, not exploited and abused.

The Human Paradox

None of us wants to be valued only for our usefulness, however. We want to be valued for ourselves. So we need to view our relationships as an end in themselves, not just a means to an end, and any results that we get from those relationships should be seen as a bonus. Otherwise, our actions will betray our true motives and we'll find those relationships coming to an abrupt halt.

This is a corollary of the third principle above. Our motives in any relationship should be unconditional – the relationship itself is the most important thing, and there will be times when we have to protect it (for future results) by recognising that, sometimes, there is no win-win outcome possible with a particular deal. Then it’s crucial to the survival of the relationship to agree not to proceed with that opportunity, because results are ALWAYS conditional. We both have to meet specific conditions in order to gain the desired result, because of the law of cause-and-effect.

Click here for a practical example of this vital principle. (A new window will open so you don’t lose your place here.)

Beware of COUNTERFEIT Reality

Reality isn’t always what we think it is. It can be very deceptive.

Here’s why…

There are two kinds of genuine reality — positive and negative. Desirable and undesirable. They’re usually quite obvious.

For instance, putting your hand into a fire and getting burned is not very intelligent behaviour. It’s a negative reality. It’s harmful. It does damage.

Robbing our friends, or lying about them (or to them), or beating them up is a sure way to damage those friendships.

Stealing from your boss (not just money or goods, either, but the time for which you’re paid) puts your job at risk.

These things are self-evident. We know that if we do them, we place those relationships at serious risk.

So intelligent people choose NOT to do those sorts of risky, negative, undesirable things.

Yet we fall constantly victim to the negative, undesirable realities in life — without ever choosing them! (Let’s face it… nobody in their right mind would knowingly choose them. They’re so obviously undesirable and stupid.)

So how does this happen?

It happens very simply. And it happens because of one or more of these five reasons…

• fear of loss
• ignorance
• greed
• laziness
• stupidity.

All of these can be boiled down to a single cause — selfishness.

We make the mistake of viewing the relationship concerned as merely a means to our own, selfish ends. Win-lose motives, attitudes and behaviour.

We just got bitten — sabotaged — by counterfeit reality!

What is counterfeit reality?

It’s nothing more (nor less) than cunning, devious, undesirable, negative reality posing as some kind of apparently positive reality in order to fool us and gain an advantage over us.

Why?

Because it knows we’ll never choose it if it appears as itself!

So it never does. It disguises itself — usually as some sort of emotionally appealing “quick fix” that requires little or no time, effort or discipline on our part.

That’s the giveaway, every single time.

“Quick fixes” are never anything but temporary and risky.

Taking painkillers for constant headaches can mask the real cause – which may be a tumour that can become inoperable and kill us because we think the problem is solved because we’ve relieved the symptoms. (I know this one personally. My father died from SIX inoperable brain tumours.)

But they’re irresistible for most people. Especially in network marketing, where “quick fixes” are everywhere.

They can never succeed, because they actually undermine any chance of success you might have by removing the Four Cornerstones of Success!

Anything you build on this lack of foundations must eventually collapse.

Understand this, clearly… when you choose any kind of “quick fix,” you choose counterfeit reality.

What you’re REALLY choosing is negative, undesirable reality.

So, when that’s what you discover after you remove the fancy packaging and the equally alluring, deceptive label, don’t complain.

Ask yourself, instead, why you chose it.

You’ll find it’s always one (or more) of the following reasons…

• fear of loss
• ignorance
• greed
• laziness
• stupidity.

One of my favourite quotations is this:

“The road to success is a straight line with very few travellers. The others are all off down dead-end, side roads looking for short cuts that don’t exist.” – N. R. Short

In the information that follows, we're going to look at the various realities involved and why choosing counterfeit reality – sadly, it’s the most frequent choice in business – does so much damage to ourselves and to others.

It’s time to stop and re-assess what we’re doing, and why.

You’ll also find a set of useful, informative links that shed more light on this very vexed topic and how to make things right.

I hope sincerely that what you discover here will help you understand yourself and others better, and make a difference to your own success.

John Counsel
Chief Executive Officer
The Profit Clinic

Overview | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Comparison | Links

©1999 The Profit Clinic. All rights reserved. This page updated 1 May 2002.